[TyD]

are you serious? did that happen?? was a funny joke though! ahahaha

[sean01]

bahahahhahaha. sad but fark yeah lolz

[synergy17]

Q: What's the difference between a girl and a toilet?
A: A toilet doesn't want to cuddle after you drop a load into it

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A: Ask your mom.




- Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”
“No,” said his mom, “of course not.”
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay, we can play that game again!”

- Tasmanian couple walking out of the divorce court, the wife is crying her heart out.
Husband says ' Oh for ****'s sake stop crying, you're still my sister'
( no offence to MR tasmanian members, its a joke )

- I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.
I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the isle backwards, gets in the car and ****s off.

[sean01]

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Sheriff's Deputy. He thinks that he is smarter than the Deputy because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the deputy's expense...

Deputy says, "License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What for?"
Deputy says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign .."
Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Deputy says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."
Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Deputy says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"
Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you let me go and no ticket."
Deputy says, "Exit your vehicle, sir."

At this point, the deputy takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A woman walks into the Liverpool benefits office, trailed by 15 kids...


'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours?


'Yeah they are all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats.

'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.'


'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.'


'OK, and who's next?'


'Well, this one he is Terry, also.'


The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they ALL named Terri?'


Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell, 'Terry!' An'
when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come
runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.'

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch?'

'I call them by their surnames!'

[byh0005]

whats the same between a women and kfc
once your done with the breast and thighs all you have is a greasy box to put your bone in

which one is the odd one out a women freezer fridge and microwave
microwave the rest leak when there f@#$^&d

how do you make five pounds of fat look good
give it a nipple

sorry if i affended anyone the only joke so dont get upset

[mattbombers]

1. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some*just don't have film.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

4. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

5. Back up my hard drive? How do I put it in reverse?

6.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

8. Seen it all, done it all. Can't remember most of it.

10. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

11. He's not dead. He's electroencephalographically challenged.

12. She's always late. In fact, her ancestors arrived on the "Juneflower."

13. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted and used against you.

14. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

15. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

16. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

[byh0005]

commenting on your own jokes sad
why did the blonde fail her driving test?
never been in the front seat before

[mattbombers]

wtf you on about?
who comented on there own?

[byh0005]

deleted them i see

[thump*140]

deleted double posts...
noob..